My Last Tournament Ever (and how I learned that it's not all about me.)

So barring the possibility of alumni visits, Regionals was my last tournament ever. I’m excited about college and this whole growing up thing, but I’m really going to miss debate and my friends.

Regionals seemed so different this year, I don’t know if it was run differently than usual, or if I just saw it in a different light. I used to consider Regionals an event of prestige- to break was a really big deal. This year it seemed more like an ordinary tournament. I was fine however the results turned out- and it certainly wasn’t because I was confident that I would advance.

It also seemed odd to not be debating. I enjoyed having time to talk with people, time, be alone, and actually eat. I missed the fast-paced stress of rushing from one round to the next, and the intensity of trying to refute 13 minutes of solid arguments in 5, or 7 in 4. I missed that brief second of panic when you realize that you’ve never heard the affirmatives case before, and the deep breath I used to force myself to take calm down. I missed getting up to cross ex, and realizing that I’d forgotten to write questions, or sitting back at the table, and forgetting to stand up for cx at all. I missed that second right after the round ends when you think hate your opponent- and then look over and realize that you totally don’t mean it. You couldn’t ask for a better friend. I even missed the horror of sitting down from your last speech only to realize you forgot to address the most important argument. Needless to say, I missed debate.

But a lot of really neat things happened at this tournament. For one thing, since I wasn’t debating, I ended up being able to spend more time with God. I also found out that one of my fellow debaters has an older sister that graduated from Letourneau and lives in Longview. She came to the tournament, and I was able to meet her. This was really a God thing, because I’ve been nervous about being so far away from home. I also learned to see things in light of the big picture. Sometimes (and probably pretty often!) the things that happened aren’t about as.

My final round in apologetics was very disappointing to me. I had a topic I loved, and managed to give a speech that I hated. I left the round very upset for several reasons. First, I felt like I had failed myself and God. Second, I was embarrassed that several people had seen me perform so poorly. I guess embarrassment is often pride disguised. I didn’t want people to wonder how I’d managed to get to finals.

One of the moms said something that really helped me however. She said that maybe God allowed me to do poorly because someone needed to do just a little bit better. She reminded me that this isn’t about me. I already knew of course that God has a plan in everything, but I guess I’ve always assumed that that plan is about me. But just because God has a plan is for me doesn’t mean that His plan is about me. Though in this case, it could have been about me learning a lesson in humility.

Speech and debate really has been such a blessing.